If family is predetermined, friendship is within our control. You don’t choose your family but you choose your friends. The fact that you select those, whom you consider your pals, says not only long about yourself but is a badge of honor that you bestow on those few that form your circle.
Same as with love, the word friend is used loosely not everyone who smiles at you, asks about you, hangs-out with you or even helps you, can be justifiably entrusted with the title “friend”.
Some stipulate, that friendship is based upon criteria such as:
- Similarity, because opposites do not really attract.
- Proximity, because we always gravitate towards those who seek us often.
- Reciprocity: because no one can stay unmoved by the other’s great friendship.
- Beauty: because physical attraction counts, as beauty enchants the eyes and the heart even if the relationship is platonic.
- Competence: because competent people inspire respect, love and trust. Weak, and uninspiring people breed disrespect and despise.
Others such as philosopher Aristotle, would argue that true friendship has no check-list nor alternative goals.
Aristotle distinguishes between genuine friendship and fake one:
Genuine friendship, is platonic, virtuous, all-seeing and everlasting. Similar to true love, it has no hidden agenda nor goals, it sees the other’s imperfections yet doesn’t flinch nor backs out. It is a pure form of love and bond that the person cannot simply walk-away from. As Aristotle puts it in his own words: ‘And it is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends’ sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality’ (Aristotle 1976: 263)
Fake friendship, is based on either mutual usefulness or pleasure. This kind of friendship lasts as long as the usefulness lasts or as long as the other remains a source of fun/pleasure. This kind is, easily replaced and substituted by another. Once the “supply” is drained, the “hidden goal” is not met, the “benefit(s)” cease so does the friendship. This is the type of friendship that goes through “mood-swings” with highs and lows, who dies out in-time.
Cicero agrees with Aristotle as to the basic essence of friendship is virtue thus ethics. Without fidelity, devotion, care and empathy, there is no friendship. Only honorable people are capable of true friendship.
It is as easy to say “I love you” as it is calling someone “a friend”. However, rare are those who know, the true meaning of the word or that actually care to find-out. That is why, smile at those who falsely claim it and if they can read your eyes, they will know that you are neither fooled nor impressed. You just know better.
After-all true friendship is not a train-station from which one leaves and comes back, nor is it a pleasure lounge for amusement, it has no ulterior motive nor knows substitutes. A best friend, like his title stipulates is the best among all others, he defends you against everyone and anyone, he is the one who comes in when everyone else is going out, he helps you be the best and realize your dreams without even you asking, who reminds you of your song when you forgot the words.
Maybe it all sounds too good to be true and it borders the impossible, we agree, but history has shown its existence. As in love it takes great men to show great friendship.
The Interviewer Mag 