The Right Entourage

Success is all about who you know. We are not talking about networking and connections, but about quality of surroundings. The dominant trait of each individual you know, determines his worth thus value in your life. Be sure to classify your entourage properly.  

The Generous , This individual is “La crème de la crème” of people. Seek him for companionship and romance. Reliable and creative, you can count on him to turn any situation or event into a memorable experience. Fun and an honor to have around, this is the kind of person who won’t stay on the side when you are struggling to pay something. This is the type of individual who would never take back anything he brought you regardless of whether you need it or not. Generous people are such not only with money but also with their time, effort and emotions. They will lavish you in every way.  

The Empath, Seek him for comfort, love and devotion. Loving and kind he feels your pain and empathizes with you on all levels. He doesn’t only listen silently like a wall, he knows how to comfort you. Selfless he would always pick your wellbeing over his. Very obedient and reliable by nature, you can count on him to do the impossible to not let you down. An empath is always your biggest fan and will love you in a way that makes you in awe of him.  

The Guardian, Seek him for help and protection. Goal oriented, he sees things in terms of failure or success. With a mindset of every problem needs a solution, you can count on him and his surroundings for help. His entourage is always ready for help because they know he classifies them based on performance. After all love is a verb. Unstoppable and relentless, he will go to any length to make you happy, lift you back-up, dust you off and push you to be the best version of yourself.  

The Understanding, Seek him for friendship; he is the kind of person who would never take things personal. Tempered and clever, he has the patience necessary to remain under control. This kind of person would never take offense and will always view things from different angles.   

The only individual, you are better off as treating as if he is your divorcee is The Stingy. Never pick him to be your wingman, nor have him be your go-to person. Unlike generous people, their tightfisted mindset hinders them from being solution finders. They are easily discourage and seldom succeed in any assigned task.  

Make sure to have a good entourage, for your emotional well-being and success.

The Pursuit of Happiness at Work

Much like Ulysses , humans are in constant pursuit of happiness; It is the basic drive that keeps them able to perform and survive their hardships.

We spend most of our lives working, secluded, in shared offices, deprived from any kind of freedom, working for the greater good of an employer.

Being emotional creatures, what most bosses fail to understand is that employees do not work for corporations but for people. The army is a prime example of that.

In his seminar on “why leaders eat last”, British author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek, mentioned a soldier, by the name Johnny Bravo, whose devotion was fueled by the certainty that his superiors were as devoted to him as he was to them. He also spoke of captain Swenson who risked his life saving members of his brigade, animated by utter love and care for those he was in charge off. The common denominator between Bravo and Swenson, is not a shared cause but trust and love in one another. The bond between subordinates and their superiors was so strong, that it impacted positively their loyalty and optimized their performance.

This goes to show that the happier people are, in an environment, the more in tune they are with their superior, the more they are willing to give.

The quickest way to demotivate a great performer is to treat him like a regular one, equate him with all the other deadweight within an establishment.

Compliments are pleasant to hear, but as intelligent beings, we tend to focus more on actions rather than words. A boss can praise his subordinates all day, applaud them in public, but all of this means nothing if not translated into actions. If he doesn’t empower, favor, reward and promote his top performers, why would they continue to give their all?  It is naïve to believe that employees are required to be utterly devoted to a boss’s welfare when he doesn’t care about theirs. A salary is a transaction, a duty, not a sign of care.    

Most bosses believe that catering to employees’ wellbeing and feelings is a waste of time. It is all about the bottom-line, keeping their business afloat and growing their fortune. In their opinion, investing time in something unprofitable like employees is futile. After all, they are not in the “feel good” business, as some would put it. To them, staff is just paid labor, replaceable, easy to discard, ponds that they can move around as they please to win in the chess game of business. To most, an employee is their partner in loss but never in gain.

Simon Sinek, once said, “Happy employees ensure happy customers. And happy customers ensure happy shareholders – in that order. It is the leader that sets the tone of his organization, when he behaves like a great parent, who wants to provide his own with great opportunity, education, build their self-confidence, give them the chance to try and fail, all so that they achieve more than they could have imagined themselves”. 

Given that people spend most of their lives working, it is quintessential for them to be happy. They might be able to endure unhappiness for a certain amount of time, but eventually, they will snap, their performance starts to plummet, their attitude changes and the boss loses the opportunity to get the best out of his human resources. As Simon Sinek, once said, it is essential that every manager, strive towards creating a work place in which people feel safe, happy and inspired. In his vision for a better world, it is the collective duty of the leaders of the industry to create such a place for others so that they end up fulfilled.

A Memorable Night

What goes into making a memorable night? It might seem like a very simple and easy question to answer but not quite.  Many elements play into creating the ultimate night.

The inner mood or state of the person plays a determining part. The company and the quality of conversation are also a determining factor. The level of preparation, efforts and planning that goes into making anything successful also are proof of caliber.

To simplify it, could an athlete win a marathon if he did not train and prepare well beforehand? So why would a night have any meaning if it wasn’t well prepared and the mood set a long time before? Men, in general, became too lazy. While long ago, they used to know the value of courtship, now the bear minimum make them feel entitled to something in return. Paying for a date, buying lavish gifts, doesn’t necessary imply a reward. It is not a business transaction. It is an emotional bond that needs to be well planned and forged with time.  

Many scenarios could easily be considered ideal. Some good food, great mood, and exciting conversation are enough to make an outing fun. Sometimes, all is takes is sitting in a nice hotel room by the window side savoring a good pizza or a burger while engaging in a fun conversation with your friends, basking in the knowledge that each of them are healthy and happy after having spent an adventurous day exploring a new area.

Sometimes, it is simply sharing a night after a long day at a rejuvenation spa where you both came out feeling refreshed, happy and the best version of yourself. Perhaps, it is sitting on a deserted, beautiful beach, sipping some pink champagne on a cool day, whilst enjoying some quick bite, listening to your friends engage in a great conversation.

When it comes to romance, the ideal night can not really be limited to a simple answer. The reason being that, a romantic night is the business card of a man. It shows you the depth of his love for you, how well he knows you, his level of creativity and planning, it shows you his proactiveness, his determination to succeed, his willingness to achieve. Everything about that night is a tell all. From his choice of attire, to the destination, to the gift he has picked, to the card he has chosen and even the pen he wrote the note with. In the end, losers try, winners succeed, this is a fact applicable in all aspects of life.

Few years ago, a colleague of mine, had an incredible Valentine’s surprise at the office. It started off with having roses delivered to her work station every hour and when there was no place left for her to sit, then came a huge box filled with lavish gifts. Everyone’s jaw dropped as they saw what he had bought her; some even questioned his sanity as he entrusted the box to be delivered to the office. At first, we all thought that he was making up for being abroad on Valentines Day. We were mistaken, he surprised her, on her way out of the office, as he came directly from the airport.
I read once about a husband, who with the help of his wife’s boss, was able to kidnap his spouse from work directly to the airport to enjoy a surprise getaway.

A great night is somewhat similar to love making. It is never about acrobatics, gadgets and positions, it is all about preparation, great timing, intuition, and the ability to really satisfy. As the man takes the lead, a woman is at her most vulnerable in this situation, so he can either succeed brilliantly or fail miserably. A great lover knows how to use his guts, his hands and his lips; he knows how to revive her with a simple touch. He is able to make her feel desirable and wanted. Stamina is only important when it comes to proving how healthy the man is. After all, a man’s charm is not only in his handsomeness. it is a major turnoff to be with a man with endless health problems, having someone midway become ill or be forced to stop because he suffers from acid reflux, weak bladder or heart problem, is not only a buzz kill but a death sentence to the whole relationship. In the end, a woman wants a rock to lean on, not a weakling or a health patient.

The bottom-line of any great night, is having those involved, whether friends or lover, happy, content and in a great shape.

Always Choose Generosity Over Any Quality

One can turn a-blind-eye to many vices but one, stinginess, as it is the mother of them all. Whether choosing a friend or a boyfriend, a lover or a husband, never commit the cardinal sin of choosing a stingy person.

Even on a platonic level, you are better off with a person who would lavish you rather than one who would embarrass you with nauseating tightfisted tendencies.

Generous people are an asset; they will make you look good in any context. Their impeccable allure, their extravagance, their overzealous behavior, inspire admiration and respect. You’ll feel proud being linked to them on any level. That is why Greek philosopher Aristotle, associated generosity to magnificence and nobility, stinginess to deficiency. There is a sense of superiority and leadership that comes with generosity.

Plentiful with their emotions, support, and love, they offer the transparency and consistency that stingy people lack. That is what makes them reliable.  American poet Walt Whitman once said “Behold I do not give lectures or a little charity, When I give I give myself.”    

Workaholics by nature, pursuers of wealth not for the sake of greatness, but as a mean to an end. After all, in order to be generous, one has to secure the appropriate funds to entertain such inclinations. They seek rather than wait for things to go their way, they might fail, but they’ll never stop trying.   

Generous people may not have deep pockets but they act as if they have. Ambitious, pragmatic, fun and creative, their presence makes you feel like royalty, proud and happy to be associated with the finest individuals life has to offer. Their behavior is out of conviction and pride never for gain.  

As the French novelist Marcel Proust once said, there is a certain sweetness found in generosity that cannot be found in any other quality.  

Thank You For Loving Me

We solemnly say thank you to those who love us at our worst and who always see the good in us. We rarely acknowledge their unwavering care, deep attachment and their thirst to please us against all odds. They are the ones who cheer us and care enough to be interested in everything we do. Maybe “Thank you for Loving Me” is a sentence none of us is accustomed to say. Maybe it’s the cheesiness of the expression or the awkwardness it implies or simply because words are worthless in the end. What really matters, the measure of anything, are actions.

Love is usually contagious; one can rarely resist its waves when submerged by it. Unmeasurable care and dedication, is something hard to turn a blind eye to.

Real friendship and true love are perhaps the rarest possessions on earth. Everything expires and when you realize that, things like love and friendship start to lose their appeal. You start looking at people and estimating them based on their value nothing more. If they do not add anything to your life, if they bring nothing to the table, they are dispensable. In the end, if something is bound to die, why wait!

Thus, when you find a friend or a lover who loves you more than their own self, if your happiness and wellbeing are top priorities regardless of what is going on in their lives, you have hit the jackpot. That’s the only kind that doesn’t expire because it is limitless. You are in the presence of friendship and love in its truest form.

It is not hard to be loved, even dictators and killers have been cherished by someone at some point in their lives. It is being loved as you need to be loved that is rare. To really know you is to truly love you, to be able to handle you at your worst, to lift you up when the world is crashing down, to bring you back to life when you are wasting away inside, to seek your presence over anyone else, now that is exceptional.

So be sure to cherish the exceptional people if you are lucky enough to cross their path.

The Secret Circle

We go through life like Ulysses, lost, unable to find our way back.  Sailing through unchartered waters, not knowing what lies ahead. Blind and oblivious to what might be in stored for us. With odds against us, and storms ahead of us, one has to take a good look at his sail mates.

There are two types of people: Those who make things happen and those who talk the talk but never walk the walk. The talkers are good entertainers, the does are rainmakers, and they are a force of nature. Remember, the more reliable and loyal people you have on board, the more likely you will sail smoothly through life.

The doers are generous by default; they do what they have to, to get you where you need to go. Their priority is to have you deck safely even if they have to fight you to get you there. Results are their compass and the only language they know; they auto-evaluate themselves on this basis. They have learned, long ago, that words and promises are as worthless as those who utter it. That is why they rarely compliment and seldomly promise.  

If making love is proof of physical attraction, trust is a statement of worth and value. Like friendship, it is made of levels. You can trust someone with small matters but not with big ones, and in that lies all the difference. Without utter trust, there can never be a solid relationship of any kind. How will you entrust someone with your life, love, friendship, if, they did not prove themselves worthy!

Furthermore, you need on board, the confidante, the person you seek when you find yourself losing control amidst the storm. That is the kind of person, who does not only listen in silence, motionless, he knows how to handle you and take the pain away. If listening without interacting were of any value, one would talk to the wall. At least, objects can’t betray. The confidante is a good listener but also a soul healer. It is someone who is able to take the pain away with his understanding and response. He subsides the storm and calms the waves. This person actually cares about what you have to say and has general interest in you.

You also need the enthusiast, the one who is always in your corner, always cheering you on, the kind of person who is an awe of things you do because he believes in you. He follows your every move out of genuine interest and care. He is not a dream sabotager, he is quite the contrary, and he doesn’t only support you but finds ways to actually help you succeed.

The constant, is also a great asset. The kind of person who is always on deck. Reliable, present and always in the moment. Focused and relentless, they are the qualities of loyal generous souls.

In the end, the most important questions you need to ask yourself are: Who do you run to when hope is bleak? Who lifts the load off your shoulders when things start weighing you down? And most importantly who makes you happy when nothing does? Remember, it is the easiest thing to make someone smile but it is extremely difficult to make them happy.

If these kinds of people are not around you, don’t despair, you still have yourself. When you have no one to confide in, you’ll realize that the only good listener you really need is: you. Why? Well simply because no one knows and understands you better than yourself. When no one is there to do the lifting, dust yourself off, and go. It is true however, that sailing alone into the big unknown makes things extremely tough, and makes survival difficult, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it is impossible.

Escaping Reality’s Cluth

Humans tend to be escapists by nature, some more than others. Few search for what anchors them whilst others do not deck unless they find their ultimate refuge; their human haven.

Usually commitment-fobs do not like things or places that tie them down by force; they always need to know that they can bail at any time. They usually watch things through if they so choose.

So when being forced into an environment or situation they despise, they become emotionally drained and often shutdown.

You can easily spot escapists as they always seek to sit near a window and they often gaze outside in a desperate attempt to free their mind from the people surrounding them. It is their mental attempt to mute those around them and walk away at will.

Athenian philosopher, Plato , once described ideas to be similar to fluttering birds in the brain. As we know, birds fly away when sensing danger or in the midst of chaos. They would never settle unless there is calmness and a prominent sense of security. Staring out the window offers such an opportunity.

Escapists live the moment when it is worth savoring not when they find themselves prisoners of circumstances. Like those in jail, escapists long for escape, not for lack of freedom, but because of their inability to leave in certain circumstances. They would not do that, if they were in an environment they enjoy or in the company of someone who amuses them or procures them positive feelings.  

They go inwards when the situation starts to feel dull and constraining. Just like commitment fobs, they dread doing a fatal mistake that would cost them their happiness. They have no problem staying fateful nor fear relationships but the thought of being trapped against their will, or constrained to do what would break their soul, renders them nervous. For example, in their eyes, picking the wrong spouse would be far worth than a prison life sentence.    

Escaping is a survival mechanism that helps people stay alive when endangered. There are many forms of escaping emotionally and mentally, some dream, others walk-away, read, watch TV, listen to music..etc.

You surely have heard someone experiencing a happy moment say that they dread sleeping, fearing to realize that it was all a dream. Same thing goes for escapists; they would never phase out if they find themselves in a pleasurable moment and environment.

Escapists need time to recharge when they are in presence of people or situations that drain them. If the soul warmth they seek can’t be found around them, their only option is turning inwards. They are their own salvation if there is no hero around. They will standup and dust-off when no guardian angels are there to do the lifting for them. They hold their ground as strong as a tower looms through the drizzle facing winter storms. They zone out escaping through a window, as their eyes see a different world while they hear the sounds of their thoughts as they resonate like church bells in their minds.

The Golden Entourage

Some people bring the best in you whereas others the worst. The world might not revolve around you and you are far from being the center of the universe, however it is always wise to surround yourself with supportive, resourceful and result oriented people. Why fill your life-slots with deadweights or part-timers?! They will only take space that would be better filled by someone useful.

It is neither about: kindness nor wealth nor success in life. You have people with great jobs and salaries that are as stingy as could be thus are a pest to be around; you have good people at heart that only know how to talk yet can never serve you in anything worth the wait. Therefore, it is  simply about personality.

Pick those who push you to be the best version of yourself; those who will cheer you on to the finish-line, those who know you extremely well. They are the ones who want you to look fancy, act powerful and reach your full potential. They don’t only coach you or show you the way, they open doors for you. To reach you, one would have to go through them.

This kind of people always find a way, they are relentless, they achieve rather than make believe. Keep the talkers at bay, they are not made of a lasting material, they are merely “visitors” in your world. Achievers are generous and fun, they are far from being boring, they constantly surprise you, and always rise to the occasion. Most importantly, they do not offer moral support; they fix whatever is causing you moral distress. Simply because they despise words, they rather take actions.

Perfection is hard to achieve, it is merely impossible to cross path with someone who could fit all your requirements, however some people have flaws that are worth putting up with. Some imperfections like shadiness or stinginess are not tolerable regardless of the outcome but others are totally worth tolerating for the greater benefit they bring to your life.

Love Entrapment

Couple life depends on your definition of love and your overall goals. You have those who seek to find their soulmate, others a partner that will put an end to their loneliness, whilst the rest are looking for a mate.

Regardless of all the definitions, the types of love and relationships, the common denominator to them all is a solid foundation.

Have you ever asked yourself, how does iconic historic monuments survive earthquakes, floods, and Mother Nature’s fury without flinching? They are made of the finest elements, and built on an unwavering foundation. This is the essence of great relationships.

This said, if you find yourself needing to set-up traps and tests along the way, know that this is neither true love nor an ever-lasting relationship. Regardless of how much you love your partner or how good your partner is, it doesn’t change the fact that entrapment is the kiss of death to any relationship.

It is a practice even frowned, upon by law officers and the judiciary system, as it induces a person to commit a violation that he would have otherwise been unwilling to commit. So imagine doing the same thing to your partner and even worst dragging her/his best friend into this mess.

In the end, it will go down to a standoff between you and the best friend. In all due fairness, you should be dealt the losing hand, simply because you have shown your distrust and disloyalty whilst he/she proved the opposite.

Regardless of the outcome, this bids the question: How can one stay with a person he doesn’t trust enough with his life?!

Love Caught On Fire

Soaring and exhilarating as it rages through one’s veins, blazing like ravaging fire, consuming everything on its path such is passion: love intensified to the extent of awaking all one’s senses.

It is perhaps the most adrenaline-charged emotion ever experienced by a human being. The term implies a fondness mixed with romance and lust.

Passion can’t strive where there is no admiration and physical attraction, not even love can.

When a tornado meets a volcano, the spark that ensue is passion. Their love for one another is unquenchable, their desire insatiable, they drown in each others eyes. It is obvious, in the way they brush against each other, and in their smile.

The minute that they are together, the world seems to fade away, silently into nothing.  No matter how toxic or painful it gets, neither can walk away, they are hostages of a love caught on fire.

According to French philosopher, art critic, and writer Denis Diderot, “passion is an inclination, desire and aversion carried to a certain degree of intensity as to inhibit all practice of personal freedom, a state in which the soul is in some sense rendered passive”.

Passion is only a two seats power-ride. According to Ph.D Susan Krauss Whitbourne, it withers and dies once kids and marital duties start creeping into the relationship.

Passion is full of life, once caged it dies of boredom, strangled by dullness and mediocrity.

Expert Elaine Hatfield and her collaborator Susan Sprecher, developed a scale to measure passion. The intense emotion has three measurable facets:

1. The Cognitive component: Being very preoccupied with your partner, wanting to know him completely and idealizing the relationship.
2. The Emotional component: Being, extremely, attracted to your partner. Being impacted to the core when things are going well, ravaged when things are bad, and seeking an everlasting union.
3. The Behavioral component: Trying relentlessly to know how your partner feels; always helping him, constantly doing him favors and being physically close to him.

Sometimes passion is so strong that it ensues pain, because emotions are flaring, self-restraint is not part of the equation and abandonment is not even an option.  However, one can’t deny that despite it all, it makes one feel alive.

Hostage perhaps of a love that burns so strong that it can destroy both partners yet, truth be told that if they were to die, they would be the only ones who truly have lived.